


The Wizarding World Gets A Facebook

by 19811945



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:48:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19811945/pseuds/19811945
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As states in the title, the Wizarding World Gets Facebook. First chapter, the first forays into the world of Facebook.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling

**Hermoine Granger** is friends with **Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley** , **Draco Malfoy** and 25 others.  
  
 **Harry Potter** is friends with **Ron Weasley** , **Hermoine Granger** , **Ginny Weasley** , **Draco Malfoy** and 10 others.  
  
 **Ron Weasley** is friends with **Hermoine Granger, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley** and 5 others.  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** Can’t believe we have facebook  
  
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and 50 others like this  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** What is facebook?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** *face palms*. This is 1000 th time you asked that question, Ron. You are no longer getting an answer to that stupid bloody question.  
  
 **Hermoine Granger** and **Ginny Weasley** likes this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Stupid muggle thing. No need for this. *Sneers* Wait till my father hears about this.  
  
 **Crabbe** and **Goyle** likes this  
 **  
Harry Potter:** You have to tell your father that you were on the site as well.

  
 **Hermoine Granger, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley** , and 52 others like this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** You might have told the Weasel what is facebook, but what is facebook?

  
 **Ron Weasley** likes this  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** It is a social networking service where friends talk without being face to face. It is quite large in the muggle world, as over 955 million users worldwide.  
  
 **Charity Barbage** likes this  
  
 **Harry Potter:** *groans*. Hermoine no more explanations regarding facebook on facebook. Malfoy go read the pamphlets you received when you first signed up to for a facebook account.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *sits staring at the screen in shock*  
  
 **Albus Dumbledore:** *eyes twinkles merrily*. It’s so good to see house unity on this site.  
  
 **Hermoine Granger** likes this  
  
 **Severus Snape** hates this


	2. Chapter 2 - Dobby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Dobby:** I am so please to have found my master in **Harry Potter  
** **  
Ron Weasley** likes this  
  
 **Harry Potter:** *smiles at Dobby*  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** *groans*  
  
 **Harry Potter:** *places hands over **Hemoine Granger** ’s mouth to stop her mouthing regarding house elves rights*  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** Hermoine, you have got to understand that house elves like being slaves.  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** *death glares are sent to **Ron Weasley** *  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** Have you spoken to house elves other than Dobby and Winky?  
  
 **Dobby** likes this  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** No.  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** Go and speak to the house elves in the kitchens, then.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** I’ve even spoken to the other house elves as well, they love doing what they do.  
  
 **Dobby** does not like this  
  
 **Harry Potter: Dobby** you are my friend. I’ve got a more rounded view on houses elves, not because of your previous employers.  
  
 **Dobby** really, really likes this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** is now online.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy: Dobby** , what are you doing here? Get back to Malfoy Manor!  
  
 **Dobby:** *cowers slightly* I am a free house elf.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** You are not a free house elf.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Did your father say anything about a lost house elf a couple years ago.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** No he did not!  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Do you remember what happened in our second year?  
  
 **Dobby, Hermoine Granger** and **Ron Weasley** likes this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *I’m thinking, then suddenly dawns on him* The Chamber of Secrets…  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Do you want me to tell you what happened, and not what Dumbledore said during the feast afterwards?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Yes.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Your father placed a diary in Ginny Weasley’s cauldron when your father and Mr Weasley had a fight in Flourish and Blotts. This diary is a very bad diary, it’s a possession kind of diary.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *pales considerably*  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Your father had it in your home for a considerable number of years.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *pales even more*  
  
 **Harry Potter:** This diary controlled Ginny. It forced her to do things that was way beyond her control. She let loose the monster within the Chamber of Secrets. This monster petrified cats, humans and ghosts alike. Ginny was forced to into the Chamber because this diary forced her to. Do you want to know what monster lies in the Chamber?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *nods* definitely, now get a move on.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** It’s a snake. It’s a giant 60 foot long snake, and it’s a basilisk.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *faints*  
  
Sometime later…  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *groans* Potter, did you say basilisk?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Yes, I did.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Why aren’t you dead, or at least petrified?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** I didn’t look into it’s eyes or a reflection of its eyes.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I should get out of this school, especially if that snake is on the loose.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** There’s no need to leave this school, Malfoy. The snake is dead. It’s been dead for quite some time.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** How?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Fawkes, sorting hat, Gryffindor sword, stabbed Basilisk through roof of mouth by sword.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** What is a Fawkes?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Fawkes is a phoenix and he belongs to Dumbledore.  
  
 **Albus Dumbledore** and **Dobby** likes this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** How did you get the Gryffindor sword?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** It came out of the sorting hat!  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** What? How can a sword come out of a hat? It is impossible to do!  
  
 **Harry Potter:** It means I drew the sword out of the hat.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** How did the snake come out?  
  
 **Harry Potter:** I tell you that part later. Your house elf, Dobby, tried to stop me from coming to Hogwarts for my second year. First he did magic in my house, which I got blamed for. Then sealed the entrance to Platform 9 and 3 Quarters, in which Ron and I took the car to Hogwarts. The Bludger that broke my arm, was his. I didn’t know that Dobby was your family’s house elf until he came with your father into Professor McGonagall’s office demanding an explanation on why Dumbledore is back. I told your father that the diary was his, and I gave the diary to your father. When he threw the diary towards Dobby, Dobby caught a sock, but what I didn’t tell him was that I stuffed a dirty sock into the diary. *Harry grins at the memory*. That’s why you lost Dobby. Mainly your father didn’t check the diary for any hidden items.  
  
 **Dobby** likes this.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** You are a Slytherin. *gaping at the screen*  
  
 **Harry Potter:** The sorting hat did want to put me into Slytherin. Sorting people made me think about not going into there.  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** *stares in shock with mouth wide open about Harry’s revelation*  
  
 **Ginny Weasley:** Nothing unusual there then.  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** You are collecting flies, Ronald.  
  
 **Harry Potter to Albus Dumbledore:** Can I tell him about Tom Marvolo Riddle/Lord Voldemort?  
  
 **Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter:** Yes you can.  
  
 **Harry Potter to Draco Malfoy** : Draco, listen up, and listen up good. **_Tom Marvolo Riddle – I am Lord Voldemort_**. Riddle is a half blood. Mother is a witch/squib. Father is a muggle. Tom’s mother, Merope Gaunt, used a love potion on Tom Riddle, Sr. and they ran away together and got married. After a while, Merope stopped using the love potions and Tom Sr. in a moment of clarity, ran away from her, pregnant and alone. By the time the baby was due, she went to a muggle orphanage, and gave birth within the hour, and by the end of the second hour, she herself died.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *stares at the screen*  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Draco, go and spend some time thinking about what I just said and come back to be and then we talk face to face.


	3. Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Draco Malfoy** is online  
  
 **Harry Potter** is online  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Harry, can we meet somewhere? We need to discuss what you disclosed to me a few days ago.  
  
 **Harry Potter:** Yes, I PM you the time and date?  
  
 **PM:** 6.00PM, seventh floor, left corridor, by the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy to teach trolls ballet.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I will be there.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy** is online  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** Draco what are you doing on this…muggle contraption? And what does it do?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Hogwarts has Facebook, Father. If I attempt to explain what Facebook uses are, I would make a right meal of it. Would you be willing to talk to a muggleborn who has experience of muggle technology?  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** Who would this muggleborn be?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** One of Harry Potter’s friends, Hermoine Granger, a Gryffindor. Her knowledge of muggle technology outweighs majority of those other muggleborns and half-bloods who are raised in the muggle world. Her explanations are insightful, be able to across in a way in which you as an individual understands it. Sorry if I’m pants at it, Father.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** Ah, Severus has talked about her, a know-it-all. I have recently talked to Severus regarding this technology, even he is having problems with it, but he refuses to talk to Ms Granger. All those who have talked to her have improved their knowledge of Facebook. Maybe I should encourage him to talk to her.  
  
 **Severus Snape** hates this  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** likes this.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I try and help Father.  
  
 **Severus Snape** is online  
  
 **Severus Snape:** IfyoUdoiwIlldiSemboWElyoUanDusEyouAspOtioNs.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** *laughing like a hyena* Uncle Sev, you definitely need to talk to Hermoine, you just typed a sentence without any spaces in between, along with capital letters every so often. *still sniggering*  
 **  
Severus Snape** really hates this  
  
 **Albus Dumbledore** is online  
  
 **Albus Dumbledore:** Severus, please take into consideration that Miss Hermoine Granger can be able to teach you how to type correctly on a computer, instead of what you just typed above. She even improved me. If you don’t do this within the week, I will personally allow both Mr Malfoys to annoy you until you do this.  
  
 **Severus Snape:** MakeMe *with a sour face*  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Getting better, but not quite there yet.  
  
 **Severus Snape:** *Makes a very rude gesture at Draco Malfoy*  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** Severus, really. You are the adult here, and not act like a spoiled child. You will get tutored by Ms Granger, even if I have to drag you by the ear to the lessons myself.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** , **Albus Dumbledore** , **Harry Potter** and **Hermoine Granger** likes this  
  
 **Ron Weasley** hates this  
 **  
Severus Snape:** YouWould’NT.  
 **  
Hermoine Granger** is online  
  
 **Hermoine Granger:** I will talk to you after the potions lesson, Professor. I would leave a more detailed instruction with you, or we could talk through the instructions you have received when you have first logged on to Facebook.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** Draco what were you and Harry Potter talking about earlier?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I will contact you later and discuss it in private with you Father. Trust me, I need time to digest certain information that has been given to me.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** At this moment, I will trust you, if you decieve me, you know what the punishment entails.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Yes Father!


	4. Chapter 4 - Fanfiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

**Draco Malfoy** is online.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I’ve just getting used to using the internet when I came across stories about us, the wizarding world. I need mind bleach with the stories I’ve just read, especially the Snarry pairings.  
  
 **Ron Weasley** is online.  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** What?! Who would write stories about us?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Apparently, a lady called J.K. Rowling did a series of books on Harry Potter. It spawned a load of “fanfiction” for the Harry Potter fandom. You looking at least 1,000,000 stories spread across various websites.  
  
 **Ron Weasley:** Can you give me the website address? I need to look at them myself.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** You will need mind bleach after what you will read. Give the addresses to rest of your house. They themselves find it interesting.  
  
***page break***  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** is online.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy** is online.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** How long have you been in a relationship with Harry Potter, Father? *struggling to keep a straight face*  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy** What do you mean, Draco? *confused as hell*  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** I’ve read somewhere that you and Harry Potter are in a sexual relationship!  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** WHAT?!?! *starts gibbering utter nonsense and shaking his head in shock*  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Father?  
  
 **Narcissia Malfoy** is online.  
  
 **Narcissia Malfoy:** Draco, can you tell me why your father is staring at the screen in shocking, muttering utter nonsense?  
  
 **Draco Malfoy:** Mother, read some of the stories on the following websites, and I’ve kinda played a little prank on him, to say that he is currently in a relationship with Harry Potter.  
  
20 minutes later…  
  
 **Narcissia Malfoy:** I can understand why you did that to your father! It is kind of funny, your father never gets shocked.  
  
***page break***  
  
 **Lord Voldemort** is online.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy** is online.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** My Lord, there are rumours circulating regarding my supposed relationship with Harry Potter. I’ve never had any kind of relationship with that boy, apart from the hate relationship. *starting to get panicky.  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** I have also heard those rumours as well, my slippery servant. Also, I’ve heard rumours about Harry Potter and Severus Snape.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** My Lord. *confused again*  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** It appears that there are two specific rumours regarding Harry Potter and Severus Snape. 1: They have a father/son relationship and 2: They are in a sexual relationship.  
  
 **Severus Snape** is online.  
  
 **Severus Snape:** My Lord, there are horrible, vicious rumours regarding that insolent brat, Harry Potter and myself. I’ve never been a father to that brat, and I will NEVER have a sexual relationship with that brat.  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** I know my slippery friend, but that’s what they are rumours.  
  
 **Draco Malfoy** and **Narcissia Malfoy** are snickering in the background.  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** What are you two snickering about?  
  
 **Narcissia Malfoy:** My Lord, I’m sending you some websites to look at. When you read some of them, please tell those two panicking men of yours to calm down. *grins wildly*  
  
40 minutes later…  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** *laughing manically*  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** My two slippery friends, you two have been had.  
  
 **Severus Snape:** WHAT?!  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** WHAT!?  
  
 **Lord Voldemort:** There are fan fiction stories on the website. With those rumours you have heard, are true, but they are true if they are in the fan fiction stories.  
  
 **Lucius Malfoy:** WHEN YOU GET HOME, BOY. WE WILL BE HAVING A VERY LONG CONVERSATION REGARDING YOUR ACTIONS!  
  
 **Severus Snape:** DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, YOU ARE IN DENTENTION FOR A MONTH, WITH FILCH!

***page break***  
  
 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter** and **Hermoine Granger** : I’ve just read on Facebook that Draco Malfoy just pranked his father and Snape. They had to go to Molyshorts as they are freaking out really badly. It’s regarding those fanfiction sites that Draco sent to us a few days ago.  
  
 **Harry Potter** and **Hermoine Granger** likes this.  
  
 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley** and **Hermoine Granger** : I’m sending them some very good stories from these websites to get them freaked out even more.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: The amount of users is an estimate from Wikipedia page of facebook.
> 
> Please let me know which characters to add to this story, and ideas of which subjects to go for.


End file.
